My journal entry today:
Now I’m losing it. Huge fight with my SO last night. WD is messing me up so bad. I can’t function at an type of normal level. Getting worse by the day. Going crazy. I need out of here where there’s nobody so that I won’t have anyone to verbally attack during horrifying fits of rage. I need help desperately. I don’t know what or where to get it from. Crying crying crying. So upset. If this is how it’s going to be, I don’t want it. I can’t do another year or two or three of this.
Why is this so hard? I’m killing relationships with everyone around me and I can’t seem to stop. I want out. I didn’t sign up to get my life ruined. Is it this bad for everyone else? The anger has taken over my life. And now I’m losing my relationship with my SO. Because of me. My mind is not right. Falling apart at the seams.
The suffering is unbearable a this point. I want to give up and escape from the torture in my head. Derealization is unbelievable and unbearable. I need to escape from myself. I’m not me anymore. Tina does not exist anymore. Someone else has taken my place. My mind is cracking. Splitting. Desperately need some support.