TMR’s journal entry


My journal entry today:

Now I’m losing it. Huge fight with my SO last night. WD is messing me up so bad. I can’t function at an type of normal level. Getting worse by the day. Going crazy. I need out of here where there’s nobody so that I won’t have anyone to verbally attack during horrifying fits of rage. I need help desperately. I don’t know what or where to get it from. Crying crying crying. So upset. If this is how it’s going to be, I don’t want it. I can’t do another year or two or three of this.

Why is this so hard? I’m killing relationships with everyone around me and I can’t seem to stop. I want out. I didn’t sign up to get my life ruined. Is it this bad for everyone else? The anger has taken over my life. And now I’m losing my relationship with my SO. Because of me. My mind is not right. Falling apart at the seams.

The suffering is unbearable a this point. I want to give up and escape from the torture in my head. Derealization is unbelievable and unbearable. I need to escape from myself. I’m not me anymore. Tina does not exist anymore. Someone else has taken my place. My mind is cracking. Splitting. Desperately need some support.


Brynawel is the leading residential centre for the treatment of alcohol and drug dependencies in Wales.

We are a secular organisation delivering evidence based interventions primarily as part of a residential treatment programme.

Brynawel has a unique position as we are the only residential rehabilitation centre in Wales with a programme which has Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Social Learning at the core of its treatment programme, which includes psycho-social interventions, is client centred and offers a holistic approach. We therefore offer individuals a real choice in the treatments and programmes that are available.

Brynawel House is located in a quiet setting between the villages of Llanharry and Llanharan, Rhondda Cynon Taff, South Wales, which is just fifteen minutes from Junctions 34 or 35 of the M4, with a bus stop immediately outside and Llanharan train station just one mile away.


BrynAwel’s website


  1. Wales’ leading charity for people with serious mental illness and their carers. Covering all areas of Wales, Hafal is an organisation managed by the people we support: individuals whose lives have been affected by serious mental illness.

ASFA Carduf

  • ASFAcarduf is a group of likeminded people from Cardiff & the Vale of Glamorgan.

This group gets together to inform the people who run the services that we use (Service Providers) or finance the services that we use (Area Planning Board) how they can be improved.

These can be substance misuse services or any other services that we come into contact with.

How ASFAcarduf helps
It contributes ideas and opinions to help inform local commissioners of substance misuse services.

It highlights to the service providers where there might be a need for another service, or alterations to a current service.

It doesn’t just talk about what is bad about a service, it tells the service providers when they are doing a good job.

Everyone has the right to have their opinions heard about services that they use, and if we don’t speak out, the services can’t change for the better.

ASFAcarduf is not a therapeutic support group, but you will meet people with similar experiences to yourself.

Visit ASFA Carduf’s website